Be Aragorn. Be Gandalf
Part 1 of a series on the father archetypes in The Lord of The Rings.
What kind of hero you will be to your kids?
When your kids are young, you’re their hero. At least, they want you to be.
As a fantasy writer, I can’t help but go back to the classics for inspiration. In this case, The Lord of The Rings by JRR Tolkien, is filled with father-figures and father archetypes. Along the way, I hope to blend the classic Hero’s Journey with a Father’s Journey.
You are not a hobbit
I know I often don’t feel up to the challenges of being an adult. I don’t feel prepared to tackle the hard choices of housing, marriage, a business—and certainly not caring for small humans. Or Hobbits. Nobody gave me a comprehensive orientation on these things.
While I had some basic ideas, at each stage I had to seek out new knowledge, new mentors, and new resources. But deep in my heart, I often feel like a clueless eighteen-year-old.
I’d much rather stay a hobbit. I’d rather be comfy in the Shire.
But that’s not reality.
Reality is that our children look up to us like the hobbits looked up to the men in LOTR—both physically and emotionally.
It doesn’t matter if you feel small and inadequate, like Frodo. It doesn’t matter if you feel ready for the job.
The job is yours.
And in the eyes of your kids, you’re big, strong, powerful, and wise, like Aragorn or Gandalf.
You’re also ancient. Let’s not forget that. If you’re thirty when your kid is two, you’re fifteen times older than they are. From their perspective, you’ve always existed. You are a given. You are part of the world, and they can’t imagine anything different until they’re much older.
You are a man in their story
That’s what matters. You are the man in their story. Aim high.
You’ll never do it perfectly, but you’ve got a say in which man you’d rather emulate for your hobbits.
Gandalf
In some sense, you’re already Gandalf to them. As I said, you’re ancient in their eyes, and like the wizard, your origins are shrouded in mystery. When you tell a five-year-old that you’re forty, it’s an unbelievably large number to them. Try using a prop. Make a pile of 40 candies next to a pile of 5. Their minds pop at the difference.
Gandalf has magic. So do you.
You can do things that surprise and delight kids. Things that seem impossible. But to you, it’s old hat. Any skill you have is a mountain of a challenge to them. And it’s fun to play that up.
Like Gandalf, you have knowledge. That’s why kids are always asking you questions. They know you know things. And fortunately for you, most of the things they ask are easy, at least to start. Eventually, they figure out that you don’t know everything. But neither did the grey wizard.
Gandalf guides the hobbits with his knowledge and wisdom. He counsels them encourages them into higher paths. He comforts them when they fear. He also scolds them when they are foolish.
Like Gandalf, you disappear mysteriously to do unknown but important work. It doesn’t matter what your actual work is. To young kids, it’s baffling to them. They know it matters somehow, but they also keenly feel your absence during those long hours when they would rather you were with them.
Hopefully, you also return at the right moments, like Gandalf. You may not always be able to ride in like the dawn and save your kids from harm.
But they need you to be there in the tough moments, to be a counselor and maybe a magician.
Don’t confuse Gandalf as a grandfatherly figure. He is equally a fatherly archetype.
Aragorn
When the hobbits first meet Aragorn, he is the suspicious and dangerous ranger. He has a wildness that won’t fit in with their polite experiences.
They soon learn that he is dangerous. But not to them.
To your kids, you have Aragorn’s strength—even if you’re not built like an action star.
Where Gandalf guides the hobbits in the mind, Aragorn takes them on an adventure. He guides them through the dangers of the wild world. He protects them first. Then, he teaches them how to survive and endure discomfort. And as the danger grows, he equips them to take care of themselves.
Aragorn is the leader that turns children into competent adults.
As dangerous as he can be, Aragorn is also a healer. He holds back his power to wound and reserves it for true enemies. When injuries come, he is capable of soothing wounds and restoring peace.
In tough times, Aragorn is the action taker and the problem solver.
This is the easy one to see as a father because of his leadership authority. But take note of how he exercises those things.
Denethor
Opposing the two positive examples, Tolkien includes two poor examples of father figures.
Denethor, Steward of Gondor, is a strong warning. The weight of his troubles and responsibilities turns him into a hard man. And his sons suffer for it.
He might be characterized as the workaholic father today, the one who can never escape the pressures of the job to fully enjoy family time. Especially in times of financial stress, we all face the temptation to be like him.
Denethor is also demanding of his children. Their duty and success are the key to his approval. He does not appreciate them as they are—but only to the degree they meet his expectations.
He also plays favorites, which never ends well in families.
Ultimately, he sacrifices both of his sons to his pride and realizes too late what he has done to those he loved.
He is the overbearing father archetype.
Don’t be like Denethor.
Theoden
The king of Rohan is a corrupted puppet when we first meet him. He listens to lies. He has no spine. And he will not move a muscle to defend or lead his people.
He follows bad counsel and believes it will keep him and his kingdom safe.
At his worst, he allows a snake to corrupt his mind so much that he endangers a young woman under his care.
Theoden is the passive father, distracted and uninvolved.
I think this might be the most common archetype for dads today. It’s hard to tell what’s true in our world. It’s easy to be deceived, and it’s challenging to know all the dangers surrounding our kids.
But unlike Denethor, Theoden’s story does not end in tragedy.
Gandalf breaks through the cloud of lies and manipulation.
Once free, Theoden picks up his mantle of leadership. He reclaims the sword that had gathered rust and becomes a man of action again. He uses his authority to defend his own kingdom and risks everything to rescue others.
Theoden is a symbol of hope that change is possible—that we can shake off our stupor and regain the respect of our children.
While we may have slept, we can awake. And once awake, we can do some good.
Which one will you be?
Fatherhood is one of the top adventures we get to have in this world.
Don’t be fooled because it comes packaged in everyday events.
It’s an adventure.
Men have been doing it for centuries, but for each of us, it is a step into a wild and unknown landscape. There are predictable dangers and unforeseen pitfalls. No two journeys will be alike.
Your children are your most significant chance to leave a legacy and improve the future. If you’re a person of faith, it’s also a chance to make an eternal difference.
It doesn’t matter who you are in the world. Great or small, every dad has this opportunity. Whether you end up in the history books or not, your children will remember you. They will tell stories about you to their friends, spouses, children, and grandchildren.
The model you choose to embody will influence two things:
What type of adults your children become
The content of their memories and stories about you.
Be Aragorn. Be Gandalf.
If you find yourself in the place of Theoden, take heart in his transformation and pursue that.
Even a Denethor is not hopeless. I know because that was my experience. I saw my father as a Denethor throughout my childhood—demanding and harsh. But when I was eighteen, I had a crisis. In that time, I saw the protective strength and the healing heart of Aragorn spring from my dad.
I doubt we would have much of a relationship now if it weren’t for that. But that season of hardship bore great fruit because of the way he decided to respond.
Each day with your kids gives you that choice, too.
Choose well.
The next articles in this series will delve deeper into each of these characters and what they reveal about fatherhood.
All Articles in this Series:
In addition to Imago Dad, Brandon Wilborn writes fantasy with spiritual themes. His current project is a series for young readers about a dog with an imagination that highlights the classic virtues of our Judeo-Christian heritage. But he’s already got a couple of fantasy books and stories available at BrandonWilborn.com